"Stop Being Fat"

For those of you who know me, or know of this blog, some of this will be repeat information. To the new readers, let me give you some back-story:

My name is Josh. I am, as of February 2017, 30 years old.

Most of my life was spent being raised on 100 acres in the south hills of Reno, NV. I explored just about every inch of those hills  - on horseback, in 4 wheel drive vehicles, on a bike, and by my own power. I was a very active kid. I did martial arts, skied competitively, and played sports. When I was 16 I trekked to the top of Mt. Rose, a local mountain in the Eastern Sierra Nevadas area with a summit of 10,777 Ft.

Some of this may sound un-impressive, and you may be right...but let me tell you, also, that I did all of this despite being a paraplegic confined to a wheelchair most of my life.

You see, I was born with a birth defect called Spina Bifida Meningocele.

This birth defect left me paralyzed, with only partial use of my legs, and no feeling (for all intent and purposes) below my knees.

I was, also, adopted. But, please, do not feel sorry for me. I was raised by amazing parents, and have had a very fulfilling life. As I said before, I have been very active in my life. I have skied. I was, even, invited to train with the US Paralympic Ski Team. I, also, played Scenario Paintball, among doing other things.

I, truly, have been blessed.

Much of what I am telling you right now can, actually, be found on another one of my blog posts here.

But, as you may see (if you read the blog post I linked you to, and from looking around on this blog) I have, basically, dropped the ball for quite awhile.

Now, at 30 years old...11 years after moving out of my home, I am several pounds heavier, no longer skiing, and no longer really active at all. I have "suffered" with depression for the better part of the last decade, which has lead to unhealthy living and habits, and I haven't really cared.

You see, I point to a time in my life where all of this changed.

I was 19, moving into adulthood, and my parents divorced. Very shortly after, because of how divorces go, the family home I grew up in was sold, and I moved out on my own.

And things only went more and more downhill from there, but I won't bore you with too many details.

There are some good things that have happened since then; for example, in 2009 I married the love of my life, and we have been married for, almost, 8 years, now.

But, and this is where I start to shift to the reason behind this blog entry, things, still, didn't really improve.

On the other hand, I found myself getting angry over the last 10 years. Angry that I wasn't skiing anymore...angry that I wasn't playing paintball anymore...angry that I keep putting on weight...and, at least some of the time, I would try to do something about it. As I also mention in the other blog post I linked to above, my wife's uncle-in-law owns a gym. I went to the gym...for a time. But I would quit. It would get hard, or I wouldn't see the results I expected, and I would come up with some excuse, and I would quit.

Also, throughout this time, I would express my frustration to some of my friends, and many of them would be incredibly encouraging; Celebrating my accomplishments, trying to point to times where I was successful, and for that, I am grateful. But, there was another friend of mine that wasn't so kind...or so I thought.

You see, I would tell this friend my frustrations about not doing this or that, and instead of meeting the response I typically got from my friends; responses of boosting me up and encouraging words, (especially when I would say something like "I can't do X...and man it sucks...but I'm too fat" or "...I'm way too out of shape") this friend would say "Well, stop being fat".

"What? Stop being fat?? Just who does he think he is?! Why does he think he can be so rude to me??" I would think to myself. I would complain to my wife about how rude this friend was, saying things like "Just because he has perfect metabolism and can do anything!" He, I thought, was not a good friend at all. I mean, come on. Friends are supposed to boost you up - tell you you are doing great, etc! And here he was telling me to "Stop being fat". I thought to myself "He's got some nerve!"

Until recently.

Thanks to some changes in my life (again, I won't bore you with details) my wife and I have been able to get to a gym again, and starting to work out and eat better and have better health overall. That is when the epiphany hit.

I remember having a conversation with this friend (yes, we are still great friends, and even better friends, I'd say, after this interaction I will tell you about) and telling him that I was so encouraged and so excited to get back into a gym and start working, and (most importantly) that I had a new outlook on this whole healthy living thing. I was no longer going to be doing these things (eating better, working out, getting healthier overall) because of some benchmarks I wanted to hit, but because I wanted to get a lifestyle change. I no longer cared about my waistline, but now cared more about just living life, again. I was excited to be getting my old life back. Back when I was skiing and climbing and doing so many things with my life...and, I even remember telling him something along the lines of "And I don't even care if I do it well right away...just the fact that I am doing it, and I am back out there again!"

And his response was the same I had become accustomed to over the years..."good...stop. being. fat". I was crushed, again. How could he say that to me? He I was excited for life, again, and he is bringing up my weight again? Why? Is he, really, that rude and demeaning? and, if so, why are we still friends? And then it hit me.

For years he had said the same thing to me, and every time he said it, it would frustrate me and get me upset. But this time when he said it, I finally got it. Just like when Westley from the Princess Bride says "As you wish" but it really meant "I love you", When my friend was saying "Stop being fat" there was another meaning. I wasn't sure at first, so I thought to myself for a moment and then asked him a few questions to figure out what I thought he meant, and it was confirmed. When he said those words to me; "Stop being fat" what he was really telling me is "stop with the excuses".

And he was right. For years, anytime something got hard or uncomfortable, I allowed myself to justify my not working on it, or trying it out, by giving an excuse. "My parents divorced...moving out was traumatic at the time...I had injured myself skiing". All of these excuses, and more, were regulars I had used over the years. It is ironic, I think, that the name of this blog is "What is YOUR excuse?" when, for years, I was letting those excuses keep me from living life. When my friend said this, he didn't care what my physical condition was...he was telling me to stop using whatever justification I could fabricate to not be doing what I complained I "couldn't" do. He wasn't saying "You need to get thinner". He was saying that I need to do the things I wanted to, no matter my physical condition. This was an important epiphany. If I look back on my life, I had plenty of reason NOT to do the things I have done. I am a paraplegic. I am adopted. I have other health issues...and yet, I still did these things...so why was I letting myself justify not living life now?

This is EXACTLY what the friend was getting at. His comments were not a statement on my weight...he was saying "stop with all of the excuses".

After I had this epiphany, life has been so much more exciting. I finally realized that "Not being fat" is not about my weight. It is about a way of life. It isn't about what size pants I wear. It is about making sure that I go out there and live life to the fullest anyways! So many people, myself included until recently, use so many perceived hindrances as an excuse not to go out there and live! This is exactly what this friend was saying. When I finally realized this, I realized just how valuable of a friend I had. I realized just how encouraging he had actually been over the years...and how much I had missed out on because I continued "being fat". Like I said above, all of that has changed, now. Yes, my wife and I are back in the gym, again. And I do have some weightloss goals I want to see accomplished...but it isn't about that anymore. It isn't about how much I can lift, or what size shirt I wear. It is about "not being fat". It is about living life, and enjoying life, and doing the things I want to do no matter what. Because of this, I am excited to be living life, again. I will meet my weightloss goals, eventually...but I will be enjoying life along the way anyways. This friend invited me to an event last year. A, sort of, obstacle course event called Cola Warrior. I said I'd be there...and I wasn't. We had other things going on, but, in reality, I just didn't make it a priority. Largely because I allowed my physical status, and other excuses, to get the best of me, and I got discouraged. This friend has invited me, again, in the next year...This time, I will be there. I told him that I will be there no matter what. I may be the same weight I am now. I may not be any stronger than I am now. I may not be the best competitor on the course. But I won't be fat. I am done being fat.

My friend asked me to write this blog, once we had a discussion on my epiphany. He said "YES! you get it! now write about it!" Mitch, here it is. I hope that whoever reads this is encouraged. Stop letting those easy excuses become part of your regular vocabulary. Stop letting the hard things stop you. Because, in actuality, you will only be letting yourself down time and time again, and you won't be fulfilled. Stop being fat.

Thank you.