"Stop Being Fat"

For those of you who know me, or know of this blog, some of this will be repeat information. To the new readers, let me give you some back-story:

My name is Josh. I am, as of February 2017, 30 years old.

Most of my life was spent being raised on 100 acres in the south hills of Reno, NV. I explored just about every inch of those hills  - on horseback, in 4 wheel drive vehicles, on a bike, and by my own power. I was a very active kid. I did martial arts, skied competitively, and played sports. When I was 16 I trekked to the top of Mt. Rose, a local mountain in the Eastern Sierra Nevadas area with a summit of 10,777 Ft.

Some of this may sound un-impressive, and you may be right...but let me tell you, also, that I did all of this despite being a paraplegic confined to a wheelchair most of my life.

You see, I was born with a birth defect called Spina Bifida Meningocele.

This birth defect left me paralyzed, with only partial use of my legs, and no feeling (for all intent and purposes) below my knees.

I was, also, adopted. But, please, do not feel sorry for me. I was raised by amazing parents, and have had a very fulfilling life. As I said before, I have been very active in my life. I have skied. I was, even, invited to train with the US Paralympic Ski Team. I, also, played Scenario Paintball, among doing other things.

I, truly, have been blessed.

Much of what I am telling you right now can, actually, be found on another one of my blog posts here.

But, as you may see (if you read the blog post I linked you to, and from looking around on this blog) I have, basically, dropped the ball for quite awhile.

Now, at 30 years old...11 years after moving out of my home, I am several pounds heavier, no longer skiing, and no longer really active at all. I have "suffered" with depression for the better part of the last decade, which has lead to unhealthy living and habits, and I haven't really cared.

You see, I point to a time in my life where all of this changed.

I was 19, moving into adulthood, and my parents divorced. Very shortly after, because of how divorces go, the family home I grew up in was sold, and I moved out on my own.

And things only went more and more downhill from there, but I won't bore you with too many details.

There are some good things that have happened since then; for example, in 2009 I married the love of my life, and we have been married for, almost, 8 years, now.

But, and this is where I start to shift to the reason behind this blog entry, things, still, didn't really improve.

On the other hand, I found myself getting angry over the last 10 years. Angry that I wasn't skiing anymore...angry that I wasn't playing paintball anymore...angry that I keep putting on weight...and, at least some of the time, I would try to do something about it. As I also mention in the other blog post I linked to above, my wife's uncle-in-law owns a gym. I went to the gym...for a time. But I would quit. It would get hard, or I wouldn't see the results I expected, and I would come up with some excuse, and I would quit.

Also, throughout this time, I would express my frustration to some of my friends, and many of them would be incredibly encouraging; Celebrating my accomplishments, trying to point to times where I was successful, and for that, I am grateful. But, there was another friend of mine that wasn't so kind...or so I thought.

You see, I would tell this friend my frustrations about not doing this or that, and instead of meeting the response I typically got from my friends; responses of boosting me up and encouraging words, (especially when I would say something like "I can't do X...and man it sucks...but I'm too fat" or "...I'm way too out of shape") this friend would say "Well, stop being fat".

"What? Stop being fat?? Just who does he think he is?! Why does he think he can be so rude to me??" I would think to myself. I would complain to my wife about how rude this friend was, saying things like "Just because he has perfect metabolism and can do anything!" He, I thought, was not a good friend at all. I mean, come on. Friends are supposed to boost you up - tell you you are doing great, etc! And here he was telling me to "Stop being fat". I thought to myself "He's got some nerve!"

Until recently.

Thanks to some changes in my life (again, I won't bore you with details) my wife and I have been able to get to a gym again, and starting to work out and eat better and have better health overall. That is when the epiphany hit.

I remember having a conversation with this friend (yes, we are still great friends, and even better friends, I'd say, after this interaction I will tell you about) and telling him that I was so encouraged and so excited to get back into a gym and start working, and (most importantly) that I had a new outlook on this whole healthy living thing. I was no longer going to be doing these things (eating better, working out, getting healthier overall) because of some benchmarks I wanted to hit, but because I wanted to get a lifestyle change. I no longer cared about my waistline, but now cared more about just living life, again. I was excited to be getting my old life back. Back when I was skiing and climbing and doing so many things with my life...and, I even remember telling him something along the lines of "And I don't even care if I do it well right away...just the fact that I am doing it, and I am back out there again!"

And his response was the same I had become accustomed to over the years..."good...stop. being. fat". I was crushed, again. How could he say that to me? He I was excited for life, again, and he is bringing up my weight again? Why? Is he, really, that rude and demeaning? and, if so, why are we still friends? And then it hit me.

For years he had said the same thing to me, and every time he said it, it would frustrate me and get me upset. But this time when he said it, I finally got it. Just like when Westley from the Princess Bride says "As you wish" but it really meant "I love you", When my friend was saying "Stop being fat" there was another meaning. I wasn't sure at first, so I thought to myself for a moment and then asked him a few questions to figure out what I thought he meant, and it was confirmed. When he said those words to me; "Stop being fat" what he was really telling me is "stop with the excuses".

And he was right. For years, anytime something got hard or uncomfortable, I allowed myself to justify my not working on it, or trying it out, by giving an excuse. "My parents divorced...moving out was traumatic at the time...I had injured myself skiing". All of these excuses, and more, were regulars I had used over the years. It is ironic, I think, that the name of this blog is "What is YOUR excuse?" when, for years, I was letting those excuses keep me from living life. When my friend said this, he didn't care what my physical condition was...he was telling me to stop using whatever justification I could fabricate to not be doing what I complained I "couldn't" do. He wasn't saying "You need to get thinner". He was saying that I need to do the things I wanted to, no matter my physical condition. This was an important epiphany. If I look back on my life, I had plenty of reason NOT to do the things I have done. I am a paraplegic. I am adopted. I have other health issues...and yet, I still did these things...so why was I letting myself justify not living life now?

This is EXACTLY what the friend was getting at. His comments were not a statement on my weight...he was saying "stop with all of the excuses".

After I had this epiphany, life has been so much more exciting. I finally realized that "Not being fat" is not about my weight. It is about a way of life. It isn't about what size pants I wear. It is about making sure that I go out there and live life to the fullest anyways! So many people, myself included until recently, use so many perceived hindrances as an excuse not to go out there and live! This is exactly what this friend was saying. When I finally realized this, I realized just how valuable of a friend I had. I realized just how encouraging he had actually been over the years...and how much I had missed out on because I continued "being fat". Like I said above, all of that has changed, now. Yes, my wife and I are back in the gym, again. And I do have some weightloss goals I want to see accomplished...but it isn't about that anymore. It isn't about how much I can lift, or what size shirt I wear. It is about "not being fat". It is about living life, and enjoying life, and doing the things I want to do no matter what. Because of this, I am excited to be living life, again. I will meet my weightloss goals, eventually...but I will be enjoying life along the way anyways. This friend invited me to an event last year. A, sort of, obstacle course event called Cola Warrior. I said I'd be there...and I wasn't. We had other things going on, but, in reality, I just didn't make it a priority. Largely because I allowed my physical status, and other excuses, to get the best of me, and I got discouraged. This friend has invited me, again, in the next year...This time, I will be there. I told him that I will be there no matter what. I may be the same weight I am now. I may not be any stronger than I am now. I may not be the best competitor on the course. But I won't be fat. I am done being fat.

My friend asked me to write this blog, once we had a discussion on my epiphany. He said "YES! you get it! now write about it!" Mitch, here it is. I hope that whoever reads this is encouraged. Stop letting those easy excuses become part of your regular vocabulary. Stop letting the hard things stop you. Because, in actuality, you will only be letting yourself down time and time again, and you won't be fulfilled. Stop being fat.

Thank you.

I'm no Superman

hey all!
So this week will finish out my first month back at Crossfit Initiative and, by my calculations, I have hit the gym 13 times already with at least 3 more times to go this week! that will be about 4 more times per month than I did last time. I was really impressed with myself when I realized those numbers...until last night...

You see, Ty Jones (I hope he doesn't mind the name-drop) is owner of Crossfit Initiative...he is also a fellow brother in Christ and a semi-distance relative through marriage...as I am about to start my workout the conversation goes something like this....

Ty: Alright Josh, If you get 2 rounds that would be great, if you get 3 rounds that would be incredible.

Josh: So I'm gonna get 4 rounds, right? (smirk)

Ty. If you get 4 complete rounds, that would be Super!

See, for quite some time Ty has given me a hard time, in jest, about my Superman obsession...especially when almost every time he sees me, I have a Superman T-shirt....He will pass by me and simply say "I guess NOT"...If you do not get the reference, look up "Dane Cook Superman"...basicly..."Don't wear the shirt if you are not, in fact, bullet proof...wear a shirt that says "I bleed if you shoot me in the chest plate"". So Ty and I go back and forth..he says his phrase, I shake my head, and murmur "yeah, yeah...whatever" and we go our separate ways.

So when I finished last nights WOD with only 3 complete rounds I already was frustrated...and here comes Ty....he continues to tell me "well, then I guess you're not SUPERMAN....you're good...but not THAT goood...maybe like a shrimp eating, mimosa drinking Mr. Incredible". I know what he said was in jest...but it did hit me....hard...For those of you who do not get the reference, ask any kid under 12 or so about the incredibles....basicly Mr. Incredible starts off as a washed up, fat, lazy, has-been super hero...and that is where Ty was saying I was.....but, It did ring true....

I have had some unrealistic views/goals/ideas about myself....I get all excited, which isn't bad in and of itself, but then the excitement allows me to dream HUGE! and some of the time, unrealisticly...This time back at Crossfit is no different...I have had this self image of myself one day being The Real Life Superman! when, in reality, I am probably a Mr. Incredible...and I need to keep that in mind...Does this crush my dreams of SOMEDAY becoming the Superman I know I can be? not at all....but right now I need to accept that I am probably close to Mr. Incredible...I need to put away the mimosas and cocktail shrimp...I need to get to work...and I need to realize AND ACCEPT that it may be a long, hard road befor ANYONE will call me Clark Kent....so, I am no Superman...I am probably not even a Mr. incredible...but I believe I can do incredible things and they will lead me to some SUPER times!

a cup of hope.

Well, as you all can probably guess, I fell off the horse that is Crossfit. I really was having a hard time budgeting the money and figuring out a consistant time I could make it to the gym to do my work outs...in truth, alot has happened since then. Mostly...I had a complete break down. What I am about to admit in this post may come as a surprise to some, others may have seen the signs...but not fully understood exactly what was going on....

About 3-4 weeks ago I had a complete break down. I was sitting in church services and the preacher was talking about marriage...what he had to say hit me...and it hit me hard...I finally accepted that I was not doing what I need to do as a loving, caring, protecting husband to my beautiful wife. I also realized I wasn't doing what I needed to in order to LIVE....truth be told, I have not got an official "diagnosis" on this, but I am sure that for several years now I have been allowing myself to suffer from depression...This depression started out minimally.....but through the past few years has grown to be a giant beast that I allowed to dictate almost every aspect of my life. Some may even be surprised to know that I had considered ending it all before...I was being lazy, gluttonous, rude, angry...I would have fits of rage: at myself and others. I was not living the life I should, nor the life I WANTED to live...I kept thinking about an image I had in my mind...my sister has a picture of me at the top of Mt. Rose. I believe I was 16 or 17 at the time...I looked good, I felt good, I loved life and attacked it with every fiber of my being....I haven't felt that way since. So...

When all of this came up and I started to seriously think about ACTIVELY fighting these beasts I had allowed into my life, one of the things I finally accepted is that I HATED myself. I hated my condition on all fronts...my health, my fitness, my internal drive to attack life, my drive to be a good husband. I had lost it all...and I hated myself for it...but I allowed myself to just slip deeper and deeper into this pit I was digging myself....who knows, maybe in the hopes that one day I'd be buried in that pit....but all of that has changed.....

I took a long, hard, VERY painful look at the things I had allowed in my life and decided that some of the time I would try to "get busy" or try to "distract myself"...but I never fully, actively FOUGHT these beasts...and all of that is changing....

I took a ride with my mother to Pleasanton, CA a couple weeks ago..I loved it. I was reminded of the times my mom and I would go up to Gold Hill or Virginia City, just the two of us, and she would do her show and I'd be there mostly to just give her company and enjoy that time with her. I remember dressing up in my western wear when we would go. I remember the time when we tried to take a back road back home after one of her shows and we got stuck in the snow on a hill and a guy nearby had to pick us up in his backhoe. I was excited and filled with joy again! on the trip we discussed my current condition, how I felt about it, what I wanted to see happen and how I was going to get what I so desired. On this trip I heard some things that were very hurtful, but were necessary. I had heard not only what my mother thought about me...but others...and I was disgusted with myself that I would allow others to think those things of me by me just allowing life to pass me by....one of the things I expressed to her was my absolute disgust but my feeling of hopelesssness with my weight, my health, and my fitness. Since that time when I was 16-17 I probably have gained 50 pounds. I can tell that even my range of motion, my mobility has become obviously limited since then. I have problems with breathing, especially weezing at night, snoring etc. I don't like how I feel at all....well, I told her and we came up with a plan. I would return to the gym and I would have my membership paid for AS LONG AS I went AT LEAST 3 times a week....well, this past week was my first week back...and I have 4 out of 5 days at the gym under my belt! I have spoken at length with people around me to try and figure out a schedule that would work consistantly and work best for my life and for those around me. I am now going to Crossfit Initiative at 6 AM in the morning! no one in their right mind should EVER get up at that hour...ESPECIALLY to go punish themselves by working out.....but it needs to get done. I am already feeling better, and not just about the fitness aspect. I feel better about life in general again. I am starting to feel hope again...but, I have felt this before...and then life crushed me...and then I just fall off the horse again, pick up my shovel and start digging at the pit again. I hope though! I hope that I can continue down this road. I hope I can be that friend again that others can rely on. I hope that I no longer have people ashamed or disgusted by me behind my back but, rather, I hope they will be proud of what I am going to be once again. I have hope to be the son, brother, uncle, friend...husband...that this world deserves of me again!...and I hope you alll will forgive me for giving up and for falling off the horse and take me back again and share in this journey with me again. I hope that I can lose this weight, get better fit, and be all-around a healthier person...on the inside and out. This will be a long journey. Some of these beasts have grown to the point that I will, undoubtedly, fight them for the rest of my life. I have alot of ground to make up in my fitness goals as well...but I am ready, willing and able to make this WORK! I want to lose close to all this extra weight within a year. I am already excited about the progress I have seen just in this week, but I told a few people already that the real goal is to look back in a year and say "yup. I made it...I didn't see huge numbers week to week or month to month...but now, looking back from a year later, I can see the progress I have made." and...here is the biggest long term goal I have in mind so far for my fitness....I hope to be competing in the Crossfit Games in 2015! I don't care if I win a medal or even make it to the final group or whatever...but I want to qualify so that I can enter that arena, look into the crowd and be counted as a Crossfit Athlete!

You may be wondering where I got the idea for the title of this blog...for some, what follows might be a bit too preachy...if so, just simply pass over this part....

while self-examining myself over these past few weeks I picked up a book that makes a comparison of the reader to the Mighty Men of David....for those of you who do not know what I am talking about, there was 3 men that king David refered to as his Mighty Men. They were with him when he fled from Saul, who was trying to kill him. They were with him when he went into battle in Ziklag...and they were there when he was stuck in a cave on probably one of his deepest spells of depression. He and his men were surrounded by the Philistine army...a fierce army that took no prisoners. As they were cornered in this cave I get the image of David laying out on that cold damp floor on the verge of tears. tired, in pain, in anguish...and he says these words "Oh, that someone would bring me a cup of water to drink from the well in Bethlehem". It is the next part that gave me the inspiration for the title...while in that cave, watching their great leader in a deep dark depression and upon hearing him say these words 3 three Mighty Men broke THROUGH the philistine army lines, went to Bethlehem, fetched him some water and, AGAIN, broke through the lines to bring David a small glass of water...but what did they really give him? They gave him hope. He has been running from Saul...He can't go home to his wife....he is completely drained internally...he is now surrounded by the Philistine army...and they broke through those lines TWICE just to bring him a cup of hope....THAT is what I am looking forward to...I am looking forward to HOPE again. I am looking forward to waking up every day and saying to myself "ALRIGHT! what do I get to do TODAY?!" I am looking forward to that vigor for life again. I feel it coming back slowly...and I hope it keeps coming. I need all your thoughts and prayers on this journey. I am enthused right now...but I know that the day may come when I find myself in a deep, dark, damp cave...laying on my side...surrounded by armies of my own creation...feeling absolutely drained and hopeless, but knowing that you all will be there for me will give me hope. Thank you for reading.

what are you doing?

I have been asked this question many, many....many times since starting back with an exercise routine and changing my eating habits. I workout using the Crossfit exercise philosophy. What is Crossfit? This short video should give you a small idea of what it is like to call myself a Crossfitter

as you can see, Crossfit is NOT your average "go to the gym and ride a bike casually for an hour" workout. Crossfit is a high intensity, short bursts of energy type workout. Crossfit is also very unique in the fact the philosphy is that true fitness doesn't come just from mastering 1 or 2 aspects, but an all encompassing fitness. Crossfit seeks to further a persons fitness in the areas of

 cardiovascular/respiratory endurance
stamina
strength
flexibility
power
speed
agility
balance
coordination
and accuracy

The way this is accomplished is thru short bursts of high energy focusing on full body involvement mixed with isolated mobility work and weight lifting.

One of the great things about the Crossfit workouts is its adaptability. I obviously am not able to run or do other things that a standing individual can, but the workouts are easily scaled and adapted to get the same amount of physical involvement while considering a persons individual physical limitations, as well as working on those limitations to minimize them.

The other half to this topic is my eating habits. When people hear that I eat like a caveman on the paleo diet, they think i'm gonna bust out my wooden club and loin cloth. :). However funny this would be, it is not what I mean. Here is the wikipedia article on my eating changes.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paleo_diet

For those of you NOT wanting to spend your entire day reading that article, let me sum up. Basicly the thinking goes like this...
all the way up to the paleolithic period man normally consumed a diet that consisted mostly of meat, veggies, nuts and some fruits. The main idea being that if a hunter/gatherer wouldn't have normal access to it, its not paleo. Mans metabolism evolved to best use this diet to enhance performance. Only recently, after man started to settle and no longer were largly hunter/gatherers did man start to consume wheat, dairies, gluten, grains and processed foods. With thousands of years of man almost strictly eating meats and veggies, the addition of wheat, dairy and other things listed above has not done good things for our metabolism and overall physical well being. There has even been some personal observation that I could be allergic to certain things i've been consuming for years, like wheat, so the exclusion of these things from my diet seems to be having a positive effect on my overall health, not just the weight loss. I know there will probably be alot of people telling me that I need to add this, that, or the other into my diet, but let me just say that this seems to be working and I have alot of people who are well educated in this and who promote this way of eating. some might say "well, you need grains to help break this down" or similar statements, and let me say that 1. there are many ways to do one thing and 2. I do have my cheat day. I do not strictly follow the eating habits all day, every day. I still enjoy my rice, or pasta, or bread or even a nice, juicy burger thats chalk-full of additives. I just wait to consume those things once a week to cut down on my overall intake of those things.

so, next time you ask me "what is that?" I will know...you didn't read my blog!

Here I go....again.

                                              Watch this video before you read on, please.


Hi everyone!
I am starting this blog to document my weightloss and strength training progress and getting altogether better health. For some of you this blog, especially this entry, will be a repeat of some things you already know. I hope you still join me in my journey back to better health. For the rest of you...Hang on for the ride :). I want to start just by telling you a little bit about myself.

Most of my life was spent being raised on 100 acres in the south hills of Reno, NV. I explored just about every inch of those hills  - on horseback, in 4 wheel drive vehicles, on a bike, and by my own power. I was a very active kid. I did martial arts, skied competitively, and played sports. When I was 16 I trekked to the top of Mt. Rose, a local mountain in the Eastern Sierra Nevadas area with a summit of 10,777 Ft. by the way....I'm in a wheelchair. I was born with a birth defect called Spina Bifida causing paralysis from my knees - down but, as you can see, it didn't stop me. at 19 I officially moved out on my own, and that is where the trouble began. I sustained an injury to my left shoulder, I stopped skiing, and altogether wasn't as active. I met a woman a few years later and we would marry in June of 2009. I started to get very upset with my lack of physical ability. I had once been the fastest thing on a sit ski (okay, not really, but a boy can dream, can't he? :) ) and now it hurt to raise my arm in the wrong position. My uncle - in -law opened up a gym, Crossfit initiative, and I was encouraged....so I started to go. The first 4 weeks consisted of an intro just to get me used to the workouts and then I was to go into the regular classes...well, I failed. I finished my intro 4 weeks and then quit. My job was stressing me out, the wife and I were down to 1 car, and everything seemed to be fighting against us...but I realize now those were just me trying to justify my fears and not go back....and thus, the title of this blog "what is YOUR excuse?" cause, ya see...I am back at Crossfit initiative. I talked to my uncle, who gave me a killer deal on it and I couldn't refuse. I had to do it this time and not give up. I had to do it for me, for my wife, for my sanity. I've been internalizing a struggle for some time about not being able to do the things I used to, especially now that I would love to share those experiences with my wife. I want to ski with her, hike with her, and just be healthy with her. Part of my goal in writing this blog is to keep myself accountable...to my wife, to my family, to my uncle and others at the gym and to myself. I need to be proactive in attaining health again and part of that is trying to get my thoughts, fears, and struggles down into this blog. I will no longer find excuses to not be healthy for me and my wife - I REFUSE to use excuses. Money may be tight sometimes, time might not be on my side, and lifes many struggles may arise, but there is always time to get back into better health. I once was told that time is not found, it is made...if you want to do something bad enough, you will make the time to do it - be it working out, or eating right, or cooking at home, or spending more time with your spouse and family, or spending more time with God, you will make time. NO EXCUSES!